We’ve all experienced it. We’ve all been there, done that and probably even managed to snag a shirt out of the deal. That moment when that once new and wonderful thing suddenly becomes normal and routine. It happens in everything and famously it’s why it’s called “The Honeymoon Phase” since the comparison seems to have been pulled from marriage. Well, I’ve reached that point with my vaunted return to school.
We’ve hit mid terms and I’m struggling. So much so that I finally withdrew from a class I had grown to despise, hate and otherwise want to drop kick (a la Baxter). I have only myself to blame. I put five classes on a Tuesday and Thursday schedule. I had them stacked from 9:00am to 8:00 pm. And this was after last semester only taking one class. You could say my eyes were bigger than my stomach. I wouldn’t because it would make me hungry.
So yesterday I dropped the class after talking with my dad and a friend to verify that I wasn’t carazy. It felt good once I clicked the button but I was panicked up until that moment because I was afraid I’d make the wrong decision or that I would live to regret this very incident. I recalled that my dad had dropped the very same class back when he’d returned to school and I realized it as within reason to fail in this manner.
It’s been a long journey this semester of learning to be OK with failure in small doses. And I’m certain there are more lessons to come in the ensuing semesters that will continue to shake my very core in ways I can only imagine – but that’s the beauty of life. It should never stay the same for very long and you should feel challenged and called to the carpet every so often. I spent 5 1/2 years in a job that kept me in a dark corner ignoring those things. it’s healthy and necessary.
I’ve started to put together my next semester schedule and have built it to spread the pain a little more. I’m enjoying my classes, I haven’t had the urge to smack down the younger folks in my classes lately and I’m starting to find friends. Progress is being made…even it if sometimes feel as if its moving at a snails pace.
And that’s ok.